by admin | Apr 7, 2019 | Pacific Crest Trail
PCT – 1 year later
One year ago today on April 8th, 2018 I set about to walk the 2650 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail. 18 days, 210 miles and 561731 steps later, I would be on my way into Palm Springs having ultimately failed due to injury in completing my journey. I’ve tried several times to write this final blog about my trip but it’s been a difficult thing for me to do.
I write this as I am spending 5 weeks exploring Southeast Asia. Traveling to this part of the world was my back up plan should for some reason I decided not to finish the trail. I didn’t follow through on that at the time but I’m here now and that’s what’s important.
Temple hoping in Angkor Wat a few days ago
I discovered the PCT one day while randomly searching the internet. I remember that night staying up way later than I should have reading all about it. I was intrigued and quickley became obsessed. I spent so many hour researching every aspect of the trail. Reading blogs, watching vlogs, maps, guides or any information I could feast myself upon. I told myself that I could find myself out in the wilderness alone for 6 months. I believed all my problems would magically disappear one forgotten step at a time. That I could forget the trauma, shed the depression and rebuild myself out of dust and tears into a better man. For a brief time it worked.
For the two months leading up to my start on the trail I was so completely stressed that I was giving myself stress induced anaphylactoid reactions. I was getting episodes of hives, short of breath and dizziness pretty much every night. I didn’t figure out the cause until I started my trek and all the symptoms simply stopped. Prior to that I had made several adjustments in my regular life in attempts to find the source of these reactions. It’s only looking back upon that time now that I see what a huge ball of stress I actually was.
Just some of the amazing views I saw while on the trail
The trail was everything I thought it would be and so many things I never could have envisioned. There were days, hours or sometimes even minutes where i would run the entire gambit of human emotion. I laughed, I cried and felt the highest highs and the absolute lowest lows. Every day was a battle, every day that trail kicked my ass and everyday I both loved and hated it for it. It was the most alive I think I’ve ever felt.
11 days into the trail near Idyllwild at 7000 ft it was snowing with the strongest winds I’d experience so far. The snow was sticking sideways onto the trees in what I can only describe as what hell would look like if it indeed froze over. On this day, April 19th I fell, nearly blown off a cliff twisting my right ankle in the process. It hurt and swelled but at the time I was in denial as I wouldn’t fully appreciate what this moment meant for another few days. Fortunately I was able to get myself safely into town that night. Mother Nature laid insult to injury pelting me with hail for the last 30 mins of hobbling that day (it appears I failed to move this photos somewhere I could access on my phone)
Town is Idyllwild
After spending 3 days in Idyllwild resting I felt foolishly optimistic about my physical ability to proceed. Leaving Idyllwild the trail takes you up Mount San Jacinto to 10800 ft. As I walked the pain in my right ankle worsened… I took breaks, I took Tylenol, I took ibuprofen but the pain only continued to worsen. Slowly I began feeling pain in my knee and hip likely because of the way I was compensating for my injured ankle. Somewhere between 8000 & 9000 ft I realized my hike was done… I broke and I cried harder than I had ever cried before. It was like some torrential damn broke right there and then. In this moment I knew I had failed. I had spent the last two years preparing and I knew this could happen but in this moment realizing it was happening, that it has already happened was devastating. By the grace of whatever power exists, at that moment I had decent cell service. I called my girlfriend and I confessed that I would soon be coming home… and I cried some more.
I finished the day at the peak of Mt San Jacinto at 10800 ft. I was determined that i would at least make this summit. From here I could see Desert Palm Springs California and the airport that I would fly out of a few days later. I watch emerged in solitude as the sky turned into a multitude of reds and yellows as the sun set over the valley below. It would take me two full grueling and painful long days to reach Interstate 5 where I would be able to hopefully hitch a ride to my final destination. I listened to podcasts and enjoyed the scenery below as I descended the 10400 feet. My last two days were spent primarily alone with the exception of three US military vets who were hiking the trail together whom I occasionally leap frogged. My last night was spent alone wishing to be anywhere but here but not wanting to leave. On my last day I passed the 200 mile marker and it made me sad.
200 Mile Marker and the view looking back up at Mt San Jacinto from the desert valley.
The last few miles after descending Mt San Jacinto are in the desert valley outside Palm Springs. There was no shade and it was hot with the noon sun in full force. These were the most painful and difficult miles I have ever walked in my life. I would have stopped to rest but there was absolutely no where’s to find any refuge from the sun so I carried on. I wished for hot dogs… of all things in the world I wanted a hotdog. The mind is a strange place. My journey ended with my last steps on the PCT underneath a bridge with interstate 5 above. A well known trail angle “Mama Bear” was there greeting hikers with a big hug as they arrived. I collapsed into this complete strangers arms and cried once again. She offered ice cold drinks and of all things hot dogs to any hiker trash that passed by. Of all the meals I’ve had in my life, this meal I will remember forever.
I gave my brand new water filter and my air mattress to hikers that were having issues with theirs and got a ride into Palm Springs with my hero “Mama Bear”. She dropped me off at the airport where I rented a car, found a hotel room for few nights so I could organize my life and return home.
I came home promising myself that life would be different but I lied. I returned home and within a few weeks had dove straight into my workaholic nature. Every promise I made to myself I broke… every change I desired forgotten. It was tough returning home back to the life I’d ran away from. As the reality of it all set in I found solace in my misery, I was tired all the time, depressed and was either at work trying to hold it all together or hiding alone in my office falling apart. I fell into a very dark lonely painful place and I’ll always be grateful to my friends who helped me realize just how far I’d gone. There has been a lot of tough changes in my personal and professional life over the past year. Not all of them have I fully embraced. But I’m putting in the effort and trying to learn what I need to do to be happy for me. Trying to learn how to be be more honest with myself.
In the end I successfully attempted to do this absolute crazy thing. Something I’m still shocked that I actually followed through on. The trail was never going to fix me… I know that truth honestly now. I was and still am a broken person who is just trying to find his way. I’ve just got a better map these days.
Thank you to everyone who have supported me over the past year. Both during this crazy adventure of mine and the turmoil that proceeded it. Your friendship, guidance, support and love mean the world to me.
PCT re-attempt in 2020? We’ll see? For now I’m planning as many vacations as money and work will allow 🙂
– Ben, Another Day In Paradise
by admin | Apr 17, 2018 | Pacific Crest Trail
PCT Day 4 – Zero Day in Mount Laguna
I had originally planned to take a zero day in Mount Laguna. A zero day is a day in which you hike no miles and typically rest or take care of town chores. This was to help give my body a chance to adjust to the torment I am now putting it through. But last night when I went to bed I had changed my mind and decided i was going to hike on – the weather forecast looked great for hiking, I didn’t feel anywhere near as sore Id thought I’d be and my new water filter arrives in Julian tomorrow. Then I woke up and my body wasn’t so happy with the idea. I was nauseated, dizzy, feeling weak and slightly tachycardic (definitely multiple code 4 triggers). So began the battle of the mind vs the battle of the body. My mind wanted to desperately hike on afraid that showing weakness so early in the thru-hike but my body was screaming “stop, rest I promise you’ll thank me later”. In the end my body won and my mind made the tough decision to stay and it was really for the best. I don’t have a good track record of listening to what my body tells me so I’m proud that I did.
John left at 7 and I went back to bed. At 9 I was able to book the room for an additional night and spent the majority of it sleeping, reading and making a few phone calls. I am feeling a lot better now and looking forward to hitting the trail tomorrow with the cooler weather and mostly downhill day ahead of me.
If you ever decide to do a thru-hike yourself my solid advise would be to take it slow to start and listen to your body. Unless your in amazing physical shape… something that I am not. If your hiking the PCT i definitely recommend the Mount Laguna Lodge. Big rooms, comfortable beds, real hot showers and they even provide thru-hikers with a bucket and laundry detergent free of charge… mostly to encourage you not to do your laundry in the bathtub.
by admin | Apr 16, 2018 | Pacific Crest Trail
Start: Cribbets Creek Campground – PCT mile 32.6
End: Mount Laguna – PCT mile 42.7
Distance: 10.1 miles
Steps: 26422
Weather: 27 Celsius sunny
I slept well last night even though in the dark I set my tent up on a strange angle. It was nice to fall sleep listening to the sounds of frogs in the distance.
I woke up at 6am and hit the trail by 7. Today’s goal is make it to Mount Laguna which is only 10 miles away but a significant gain in elevation. I walked alone most of the day at a pretty good pace but I’m really hoping I start adjusting to this heat sooner rather than later.
After the climb was out of the way the trail went through a forest and the air had this incredible smell of wood. The shade was also a welcomed relief from the relentless beating the sun had been giving me. I got into Mount Laguna at 12:30 and joined a few hikers at the Pine House Cafe and Tavern. I felt unwell and disorientated likely dehydrated or maybe my filter didn’t do it’s job. I consumed a large quantity of water and devoured a BBQ chicken sandwich before heading up to the Mount Laguna Lodge.
I had mailed myself a package here from San Diego only because I bought too much food at the time. I got my package and inquired if they had any rooms available for the night… they did and I jumped on the opportunity. I’m hoping that a good night sleep in a comfortable bed helps my stomach feel better. 70$ for the night and a bucket to do laundry in… sounded like a great deal to me. Even better I later ran into John and he is splitting the room with me.
Now showered, laundry done, new water filter ordered (to be delivered to Julian) and blog updated I’m ready for a good night sleep.
by admin | Apr 13, 2018 | Pacific Crest Trail
Start: Mike 15.4 Hauser Creek)
End: Mile 32.6
Distance:17.2 miles (27.68)
Steps: 38392
Weather: sunny 26 degrees Celsius
It has been a long hard and hot day. I was awoken twice last night by border officers on patrol with there ATVS (at least that what I think they were). It was however cool and comfortable in my tent. At 5 am I made the decision to get out of bed, pack up and eat and was on the trail by 6. The climb up wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I’m definitely glad that I didn’t attempt it last night. My water situation was good but not great so I rationed my water.
I arrived in Lake Morena at 9 am and set off immediately to the “Malt Shop” for a breakfast burrito which I had heard so much about. I’m happy to say it did not disappoint. I chugged a liter of poweraid and enjoyed a cold Pepsi. I spent some time relaxing and chatting with fellow hikers before setting off to Bolder Oaks Campground which was only 6 miles away and had good water.
I walked in to Boulder Oaks at about 1 and had lunch with some of the people I had been hiking with. The decision was made to push on to Kitchen Creek to make tomorrow easier. I went to filter some water (first time I’ve had to do so since starting the trail) and unfortunately learned my filter is not working so well… but it eventually got the job done. Lesson learned here I didn’t test it before I left home but fortunately one of the few things i carry a backup for is water. I left the campground feeling like a fool and wondering if my filter did it’s job.
I ran into John just before Kitchen Creek who suggested continuing on to Cribbets Creek Camp Ground which is another almost 5 miles ahead and 0.3 miles off trail. It was a little more than I hoped to walk but it would really set me up well for Mount Laguna the next day… also my stomach isn’t feeling the best so I thought it prudent to be somewhere with a toilet… (maybe my filter didn’t do it’s job)…so I said yes. Turns out everyone that we were with made the same decision. We arrived at 8pm to Cribbets Creek and I set up my tent in the dark. I was so tired I didn’t even eat dinner.
Almost 18 miles when i add in the Non PCT miles so I’m pretty happy about that.
by admin | Apr 10, 2018 | Pacific Crest Trail
Start: Southern Terminus
End: Mile 15.4 (Hauser Creek)
Distance: 15.4 miles (24.77kms)
Steps: 38392
Weather: sunny 26 degrees Celsius.
I did not sleep well last night at Scout and Frodo’s place even though I was definitely tired. Anticipation for the journey to begin the next day kept me wide awake. Finally at 04;00 hrs I gave up hope and got out of bed.
Breakfast consisting of eggs, muffins and oats were served at 5:30 as there morning ritual kicked into high gear. By 6:00 all bags were packed and we were off to the southern terminus.
I had the honour of riding shotgun with Frodo and shared my completely random story about how I came to learn about the PCT. I was at work board using an app called “stumble upon” which takes to you random websites based on categories you have selected and up came a website about the PCT. 2 years later here I am. Life is truly random.
Group starting the PCT together
I was feeling a lot of different things standing here mere feet away from the Mexican border and 2650 miles from the Canadian one. But What ever happens from here I’m proud that I’ve come out and given it a shot. Over the first 5 miles my stresses and worries seemed to melt away… I was doing this and I slowly started to smile. I met a section biker named Ron who I stuck near most of the day. He seemed to like my frequent break strategy. After 5 miles I stopped, stretched and evaluation how I was feeling. At 10 miles I did the same I was feeling good and ready to finish the day at Hauser and now here I am.
it was a tough first mile… who knew a mile was so long?
I understand now why so many people wake up ridiculously early, nap in the afternoon and then hike into the evening. The sun here is just relentless. Fortunately I bought some SPF 100 to keep me from getting absolutely burned to a crisp.
Not much relief from the shade out here.
I met and chatted with many people during the day and help someone with their blistered and payed close attention to another man who was quite dehydrated. The first real water sourse on the PCT this year is in Lake Morena which is another 4.6 miles from here up a long climb.
About a mile from camp I saw my first rattle snake at the side of the road. He didn’t seem to mind me much as I took his photo and went on my way.
In camp, set up in my zpacks Duplex for the first time. It’s considered a two person tent so it’s got lots of room for me and my gear. The sun has set and it’s finally cooling off and nature is serenading to sleep. Shortly before going to bed a man name Charlie drove up in his beaten up moped. He said he loved two miles up the road and liked to come talk to hikers once and a while… an interesting fellow.It’s hiker midnight 8pm and time for me to go to bed. If I can get to Lake Morea before 10am I’m told there are delicious breakfast burritos to be had.
you get a little board walking around and the rocks start to look like things. This is a fish jumping out of the water I wish was there
